Bae emailed me! He wants me to post his letter to let you all know how he feels about the recent attention and notoriety he’s been receiving. Now, I know you all are wondering what the infamous Bae has to say, so without further adieu:
To all you unfortunate souls who insist on using my name to refer to fictional partners:
Stop lying on me! I’m not that funny, that ain’t my arm around your neck in any of those pics, I don’t cook, clean, or none of that. Actually, I’m gay. I don’t like women and I never have. Stop talking about me and using my name to replace Terrel, Donte, and Jamal who don’t want you. MAYBE, if you grew some edges and stopped sending trash nudes, he would pay you some attention. MAYBE, if you learned to actually cook and stop passing off Vienna sausages smothered in Ramen noodles on a paper plate as a decent meal, he would pay you some attention. MAYBE, if you read a book and got some business about yourself he would pay you some attention. But really… maybe it just isn’t the right time for you to be in a relationship sweetheart. Maybe, you should spend this single time working on you, so when buddy finally show up with attention to pay you, it’s worth it! Just stop using me to propagandize your fabricated illicit shenanigans with a fictional person. I’m not that guy. Oh, and to all y’all people with a firm grasp of satire and use me to make fun of those sad lonely people… yall funny.
Real n*gga salute,