Bae speaks out!

Bae emailed me! He wants me to post his letter to let you all know how he feels about the recent attention and notoriety he’s been receiving. Now, I know you all are wondering what the infamous Bae has to say, so without further adieu:

To all you unfortunate souls who insist on using my name to refer to fictional partners:

Stop lying on me! I’m not that funny, that ain’t my arm around your neck in any of those pics, I don’t cook, clean, or none of that. Actually, I’m gay. I don’t like women and I never have. Stop talking about me and using my name to replace Terrel, Donte, and Jamal who don’t want you. MAYBE, if you grew some edges and stopped sending trash nudes, he would pay you some attention. MAYBE, if you learned to actually cook and stop passing off Vienna sausages smothered in Ramen noodles on a paper plate as a decent meal, he would pay you some attention. MAYBE, if you read a book and got some business about yourself he would pay you some attention. But really… maybe it just isn’t the right time for you to be in a relationship sweetheart. Maybe, you should spend this single time working on you, so when buddy finally show up with attention to pay you, it’s worth it! Just stop using me to propagandize your fabricated illicit shenanigans with a fictional person. I’m not that guy. Oh, and to all y’all people with a firm grasp of satire and use me to make fun of those sad lonely people… yall funny.

Real n*gga salute,

Bae Jenkins

You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You in the Face

Where women learn to accept abuse as affection ——>

Views from the Couch

On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:

I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child,  coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime.  I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”.  I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own.  I find it appalling that this line of bullshit is still being fed to young children.  Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy.  If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better…

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50 Shades of Blue: The Use of Profanity at The Green Study

This is great, I saw myself being described to a T

The Green Study

A friend of a friend was directed to my blog. Her first comment, after reading one of my posts, was, “she uses a lot of foul language”.  All that writing, all that effort and her takeaway was the occasional swear word?

I’ve wrestled for years with my propensity towards the profane. As a parent, I managed to go the first 7 or 8 years of my daughter’s life without swearing in front of her. Lately, that’s been slipping, as I’ve struggled with health issues and exhaustion – just too tired of trying to do everything “right”. So a damn or shit or hell slips out. Then she and I have a discussion about language and I do penance by wondering how much her therapy bill will be in the future.

It’s not as if I don’t understand some people’s reactions. As a teenager, I was prim and proper and pious…

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Football is BACK! *Rick Ross Grunt*

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Pigskin, Gridiron, 1^st downs, silly superstitions. Ah yes. Football is back ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been a fan of football since 2001. Before then, it just got in the way of my Sunday tv lineup, but I was converted and I’ve been a fan ever since. I’ve lived in Georgia most of my life, but the falcons have never really tickled my fancy; I am a New Orleans Saint’s fan. As you could imagine, most of the people I know hate me come football season and that’s fine by me because football puts me in a great mood (Except, I tend to have a sailors mouth when I watch my team play.) Twice every fall, I have the opportunity to watch a Saints vs. Falcons game and I talk all the shit I can muster. In my opinion, Falcons fans are the sorest of losers and winners. After a win, I gloat for an hour or so and let it go. They go on about it until another rival game. I love these games regardless of the outcome though, they promise to fulfill everything great about football: a good game and shit talking.

Aside from the Saints, I enjoy seeing the Bears, Giants, Colts, and Peyton Manning be great (except when they play the Saints) and on the other end I despise the Cowboys, the Patriots, and the Steelers with almost as much fervent passion as I do the Falcons. Now I can’t recall entirely how I came to hate the Cowboys, but I’ve never been a big fan or the Steeler, or the Patriots even when I wasn’t a football fan. I respect the legacies of great football they’ve had though. I can always respect a good football team.

This year, is my first year participating in Fantasy Football which I’m thoroughly enjoying (except, I missed my draft time). I did pretty ok my first week and I’m looking forward to seeing how this season goes for me… it would be easier if my stupid app would let me log in! Regardless, my nails are black and gold, football is back, fall is upon us, and I am one happy Saints fan because we won the season opener against the birds. #WHODAT

Overcoming Petty

I’m not petty, I’m selective

I’ve been a proud member of the twitter community since November 2008 and an active member since December of that same year. Those were the humble twitter days when we described it as the equivalent of making multiple FB status updates. I loved it and spent the next two years coercing my peers to make an account.

In 2011 when it seemed that everyone on earth had a twitter, I began to hate it. I spent my time ranting about how some people don’t need a twitter because I didn’t care what they had to say and then it hit me. You don’t have to follow people because you know them. I had the thought before, but it was easier to just follow and mute them than to tell them that you don’t care about their newly realized infatuation with having a penis, or that their lonely. I think I had finally reached my breaking point and decided I didn’t care if their feelings were hurt by my unfollowing them. When I got to having a timeline that I liked, I said that I would be more selective with whom I chose to follow. Your tweets must have substance, they must inform me, entertain me, or just be “real shit” and that means if you are new to twitter, I will not follow you.

Which brings me to the point of this overly long explanation… I followed someone new to twitter who only have 5 followers and 1 tweet yesterday… against my will to overcome the pettiness that has made its home within me. I’ve decided to give the person a month trial period to deem themselves worthy of my following and if they fall short, I will happily make the blue button gray. And let’s be honest, I’m not obligated to interact with you on social networks because I know you in person. I can’t help that we already know each other, but I don’t have to be bothered by your existence on social networking sites if I don’t want to. I like it because it gives me the opportunity to choose the people whom I will allow to bother me 🙂

The virgin and the girl who’s virginity grew back are going to sex therapy

My good friend (the only virgin over the age of 23 I know) and I are going to therapy because we have issues. Probably because I have relationship issues mixed with men issues and she’s, waiting til marriage… maybe. No one can explain my issues to me in depth and in a way I can understand them. She doesn’t know if she has issues at all. It may just be I have a false sense of what a relationship should be so I shy away from getting close to anyone, but I’m ready to combat that and I have no idea where to start.

Why sex therapy?

Because we aren’t having sex. Be it a little asinine, we discussed it and it makes sense. If you find out why you’re not having sex (I’m not celibate or purpose and she’s abstaining for vague reasons) then it could potentially help you figure out what you’re looking for in arousal and potential partners. You can dispute it in the comments.

Straddling the abyss chronicles

I’ve found myself consumed with my Myer’s Briggs personality type once again. I’ve become completely obsessed because I’ve always felt as if I was the only person who over thought, who cared too much, and who became completely exhausted being around large groups of people for extended periods of time. Turns out I’m just INFJ where this is completely normal part of my personality. Now that I know there are other people who loathe small talk just as much as me, I’ve become frantic…

 

This past week, I’ve broken my phone, I’ve bitten off all of my finger nails, and I’ve done a ridiculous amount of good deeds (more than usual). I have no idea why this has stirred my anxiety, but it’s troublesome. Now that I know that it’s in my personality type to be indecisive on things that hold no weight in my life, I’ve become obsessed with wondering why they aren’t important to me.

Then I thought to myself, why is this my first time realizing some of these things? This can’t be right. I looked up ways to help keep anxiety at bay and they all (working out, writing, traveling, meditation, etc.) are things that I’ve been doing all my life, so they never gave me the opportunity to acknowledge I had any negative stress. Then college turned gave me a different perspective on my stress levels.

My fingernails haven’t been this short since my senior year of high school, and I haven’t been this compelled to bite them off since then either. I’m not entirely sure how I can stop biting them, however; I’m sure it has something to do with my my stressful job, spending too much time around people who gossip, and not having any time to do things I enjoy. My brain is fed up and it is acting out by breaking my phone, making me feel ill, and biting off my fingernails. So since I can’t get my instant stress relief, I’ll take a vacation and a stiff drink for now. Road Trip anyone?

Adult ADHD

On a whim, I was browsing through a Health Magazine article called “12 Signs you may have Adult ADHD” and I fit the description of 10 of the 12. Although it would be nice to be able to explain why I lose my keys every morning and why I can’t seem to keep hold of a cell phone, I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t know why kept reading because the same thing happens with these types of articles that happen with webMD. They’ll basically have you to believe you have some type of terminal disease, when really it’s just stress. Now don’t get me wrong, I probably would pass a test for adult ADHD but that doesn’t mean I need to be medicated or get special therapy. I lose my keys every morning because my mother moves them every night, and I lose my cell phone because I really don’t like being bothered. Agreeing to be tested is saying that I want an excuse and I don’t,  but it could also be very helpful in figuring out why I tend to have “Bad luck”. Cath-22 much?

Duck Dynasty

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My coworkers have been talking about this show called Duck Dynasty since I started working here. I thought it was some country family in town they all knew and praised, turns out it was a country family they praised, they just live in Louisiana. My coworkers, for the most part, are the Fox News types so I dismissed it on the premise that I wouldn’t enjoy watching white privilege adorn my television screen in a country fashion. One of my coworkers told me I should really check it out because it really was a great show and of course I humbly declined because she just so happened to be the coworker that must have her “Fox Fix” every morning or evening or she’ll be “uninformed”. I don’t speak politics, religion, or food with people who aren’t welcoming to a different perspective and it’s been working for me so far, but she reeled me in. I’m a sucker for a good story. Give me a plot, a premise, dynamic characters and I’m hooked. That’s what she did. That evening I decided to check it out. The show is what I think reality TV should be. It’s hilarious and wholesome and incorporates family, shenanigans, and values which everyone can relate to in some degree. I watched 5 episodes that night and 4 more the next night. The show sparked some hope in humanity for me because I LOATHE reality TV. It’s trash and is nothing more than modern day soap operas. This show is based on family, love, and ingenuity. All of which is missing from a lot of mainstream television. The season premiere was last night. Check it out; it comes on AME Wednesday nights at 10 p.m.

Nice

Some people are just nice!

We don’t want anything in return for our niceness but gratitude and appreciation. We don’t want you to hit on us. We don’t do it for the money (although we may take it), we don’t do it for you to tweet about it, we don’t need for you to pay us back. We’re just fcking nice! It’s who we are as people, we’re not trying to pull a fast one, trick you, or anything like that. We simply want to give from the goodness of our hearts because we can and like to. Don’t tell us we don’t need to be so nice, or any variation of that statement. Just like it’s inherent in you to be ain’t shit, it’s inherent in me to help the elderly if they need it, or give homeless people money even if I think they may buy drugs with it. APPRECIATE THE NICE, hell more people need to be nice to you so you can realize that it’s a good thing and not the damn black plague! Get your mind right!